Taking things for granted is something we all do from time to time and our personal relationships are perhaps the greatest sufferers. It is a rare occasion when we take time to consider the way in which those personal relationships are formed. The reason why we should is because personal relationships are central to our contentment and prospective success.
A good example of this is networking. Your ability to form both formal and informal associations with others can be decisive to your chances of achieving happiness and success in your future life. You may be comfortable networking, you may not, but it is an unarguable truth that making the right connections will give your business or career the edge.
Developing interpersonal skills is crucial if you want to gain confidence. Doing this comes naturally to some of us - but even for those people who exude charisma by the bucketload, it would do no harm to look at the science behind personal relationships. By fine tuning our technique in forming relationships we can almost guarantee success rather than just leaving it completely to chance.
There are a number of qualities which we associate with friendship and perhaps the most significant is similarity. Our friendships are often based on mutual likes and dislikes. We frequently become friends with those who have the same morals or principles as we do. On a cultural level we hit it off with people who have similar views on politics or the arts. In addition, we normally agree on our dislikes as well. In a nutshell, we will associate ourselves with those who mirror what we consider to be the most important attributes.
Unfortunately, we will not always be lucky enough to strike up a natural rapport with someone at work or in our business based on shared tastes. However, there are ways we can generate an illusion of similarity and familiarity. Professionals call this technique mirroring. It may not be easy to say but the concept is simple. Mirroring is a behaviour pattern that can be observed in people who like one another. If you are on a date and are looking for some sign that your date is interested then take a close look at their body language. If you see that they are replicating your gestures and movements then it's very possible you are on to a winner! And, of course, you can exploit this technique to your own advantage.
The objective is to manipulate the individuals' subconsciousness into registering you as a friend and not a threat. This can be done without the other person being aware, for instance adopting a similar posture, nodding your head when they nod, smiling when they smile or matching the tone and volume of their voice. This may seem a bit devious or calculating at first but look at it this way - it's not only humans who display mirroring - it can be seen in any group of animals that have evolved intricate social structures. Observations of chimpanzees for example have shown that mirroring occurs within their community environment... its just natures way of gaining a social advantage in complex societies. By being aware of and utilising these techniques you are simply giving yourself the upper hand.
If we are being honest then we have to admit that there is nothing we like more than to be given a pat on the back every now and again. We are stimulated when we receive praise. It makes us more productive and lends confidence to our ability of achieving that which we desire. Being acknowledged for our accomplishments is one of the greatest feel good moments. Do you think that we would have Academy Award ceremonies or Nobel prizes if it were otherwise? When developing relationships the way you give out praise to those around you is crucial. In the workplace one of the biggest reasons for resentment is often not due to pay or conditions but to not feeling appreciated. A single memo from the manager thanking the staff for a job well done can have at least the same impact as the promise of a pay rise. But be careful - too much praise can lessen the effect or even worse, imply insincerity to the individual involved. Used properly, calculated praise is an excellent relationship enhancer.
As a final point let's look briefly at the way you approach other people. In all relationships, personal or otherwise, if you make your intention when communicating with others appear to be a wish to connect with them rather than as a means to get something from them, you will have far more success in forming an affiliation with them. This is because you will have put them at ease and made them feel like they are desired on a more personal level.
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